Funny Jokes on Engineers

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Comprehending Engineers - Take One
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Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did
you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my
own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike
to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
"The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably
wouldn't have fit."

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Comprehending Engineers - Take Two
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To the optimist, the glass is half full.  To the pessimist, the glass is half
empty.  To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

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Comprehending Engineers-Take Three
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A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly
slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys?  We must have been waiting for 15
minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"
The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with
him." [dramatic pause] "Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us?
They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind fire-fighters.
They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always
let them play for free anytime."
The group was silent for a moment.  The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I
will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy
and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

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Comprehending Engineers-Take Four
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There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things
mechanical.  After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily
retired.
Several years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible
problem they were having with one of their multimillion dollar machines. They
had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine to work but to no
avail. In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so
many of their problems in the past. The engineer reluctantly took the
challenge.
He spent a day studying the huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a
small "x" in chalk on a particular component of the machine and stated, "This
is where your problem is".
The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. The company
received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service.  They demanded
an itemized accounting of his charges. The engineer responded briefly: One
chalk mark: $1. Knowing where to put it: $49,999.
It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.

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Comprehending Engineers-Take Five
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What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons; Civil Engineers build targets.

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Comprehending Engineers-Take Six
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Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible
designers of the human body.  One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just
look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many
thousands of electrical connections."
The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic
waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

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Comprehending Engineers-Take Seven
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"Normal people believe that if it isn't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe
that if it isn't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet."
----- Scott Adams, The Dilbert Principle

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Comprehending Engineers-Take Eight
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An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better
to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time
with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.
The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and
mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both."
"Both?"
Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you
are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some
work done."

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Comprehending Engineers - Take Nine
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An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and
said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess".  He bent over,
picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said,
"If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with
you for one week."
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to
the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a
princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want."
Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his
pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a
beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you
want.  Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend,
but a talking frog, now that's cool."